Have you ever wondered\nwhat it is that stops you from doing what you want whether it be changing\ncareers, leaving an unsatisfying relationship, joining a painting class or even\njust getting up off the couch and going for a walk. Often (but not always) we\ninstinctively know deep inside what we want, but something gets in our way.\nWhat is that? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In essence it is our\nbeliefs about ourselves and the world that tend to hold us back. Our beliefs\nbegin to form in our childhood and teenage years. By the time we have reached\nyoung adulthood our beliefs and our values which stem from those beliefs are\ngenerally set. However, as we encounter certain stages in our lives we may find\nwhat we need to move forward and our inherent belief system are in direct\nopposition. These opposing parts can begin a tug of war within us, otherwise\nknown as an \u201cinternal conflict.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Following is an example\nof how a common belief established in childhood can become so entrenched in\nones psyche they are not even aware that the belief is running their life, or\nthey are and don\u2019t know how to change it. The most common belief initiated in\nchildhood is around being a good girl or boy. That is, \u201cIf I am good I will be\nloved and belong.\u201d Hopefully another belief will be formed in conjunction with\nthis belief, such as \u201cIf I am bad I will receive consequences for my action,\nhowever I will still be loved and belong.\u201d Unfortunately this ideal of\naccepting a child even when they have misbehaved is not always achieved in\nfamilies (or at schools). For example, in the family if there is no room to be\nbad and still feel loved and like you belong, a belief system will form such\nas, \u201cI am only loved and belong when I am good.\u201d Consequently the child, teenager or adult\nwill begin to organise their life around the abovementioned belief, falling\ninto a pattern of pleasing others to ensure they are loved and belong. As a\nconsequence of this pattern one loses their ability and choice to say NO for\nfear of being isolated and unloved. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually saying YES\nall the time comes at a cost to your health and wellbeing. However\nthe choice to say NO has been driven underground by the original belief that\ndrives the behaviour of people pleasing. Belonging and feeling loved is one of\nour top needs for survival, so for some saying NO can feel like a matter of\nlife or death, that is, a deep fear of being isolated, unlovable and\/or not\ngood enough. In order to avoid these feelings one says YES and instead feels stressed\nand overworked; anxious about getting it wrong; hiding out of shame for not\nbeing good enough; deep resentment and loneliness that I have to do everything and\nthe list goes on. While some people may have an idea around what they are doing\n(saying YES when they want to say NO) they may still wonder how to say NO\nwithout feeling guilty or un-liked. On the other hand others may have no idea\nthat they are saying YES when they want to say NO. What they may notice however\nis that they are always tired, stressed, resentful, and anxious without knowing\nwhy? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, what are your\nbeliefs about yourself and the world? \nAre they holding you back?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Have you ever wondered what it is that stops you from doing what you want whether it be changing careers, leaving an unsatisfying relationship, joining a painting class or even just getting up off the couch and going for a walk. Often (but not always) we instinctively know deep inside what we want, but something…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n