Counselling Kingscliff – Perfect vs Imperfect
Our preoccupation with absolute ends verses acceptance of what is!
Providing counselling in the Kingscliff community I am often reminded by nature of the perfections and imperfections in life and that both states are required in order to experience the fullness of life.
As a counsellor (Kingscliff) I am very grateful for the privilege of being able to sit with and support people at their most vulnerable and confused. At these times I’ve often noticed that as humans we tend to have a preoccupation to absolute ends, contrary to what nature intends. That is, we have a tendency toward having things complete in a certain way that hopefully suits us. Having things our way makes us feel in control and this in turn makes us feel safe and comfortable. However, we all know this is not how life works and so counselling does not always bring about change in the way we anticipate. Mostly the work is around awareness and acceptance of how things are firstly, and then from this place change occurs. It is not about making ourselves, others or situations perfect in order to suit us. It’s about learning to stay with the discomfort that life is not always perfect.
Life can be difficult and confusing at times and we may respond defensively by pushing and striving for perfection inside and out, hoping to gain some control. Or we may spend our lives constructing ways to constantly avoid the discomfort of ambiguity and/or the dichotomy that exists in our experience of ourselves, others and situations. Some of us may allow perfectionism to take hold never allowing ourselves to rest, while others may become apathetic and give in to being pushed around by the environment.
How can we meet this dilemma?
It seems the answer is in reconciliation. That is, to restore friendly relations between the opposing forces within ourselves, others and situations. To realise on a deeper level that we need bad to truly appreciate good or to experience up we must have the contrast of down. We are not here just to experience the comfort of life but also the discomfort, how we choose to make friends with the more difficult sides of ourselves, others and situations will greatly affect how we respond to the perceived faults.
Nothing is perfect, everything has flaws, even nature and the beautiful Kingscliff community. We are all a messy canvas, making beautiful mistakes in the chaos of life. When we learn from our mistakes we evolve and we can only learn if we are receptive. To receive we need to let go of our preconceived ideas and discover each other, ourselves and situations as they are, rather than through the lens of how we think it should be? When we are forcing and trying to control we are missing the essence of things and we lose the opportunity to challenge our assumptions and expand our world.
Let’s let go of the pain of striving for the absolute end of perfection in ourselves, others and situations for it does not exist. The relief and beauty we are looking for exists in the acceptance of the imperfect. Turn toward, not away.
Life is painful and beautiful!